I can't lie, Allen Covert is a funny ass dude!

While this movie flopped in the box office, I still enjoyed it. This will be a really straight to the point review, because I don't know why the hell I'm reviewing this. Then again who cares, it's a celebration BITCHES! While January is the cue for studios to dump their bad movies after the holiday features it was actually a good week, without the exception for Uwe Boll's "BloodRayne". "Grandma's Boy" is probably going under the radar as another pointless R rated comedy. Their is something original in this even the characters are monotonous but very entertaining. I respect Allen Covert and thought that he was overshadowed in a lot of Adam Sandler vehicles and thought that he could manage a movie, this actually proves it. The same for Peter Dante and not an Sandler alumni, Nick Swardson, I love his stand up comedy. Another stoner comedy with fresh one-liners, quirky characters and just basically a movie to kill time and hang out with all you home boys. A rare hang-out movie, that has been missed for a long time. Let's face it the holiday was not favorable to "hang-out" movies.
Their is a story, it's about a 35 year old gamer that is on his last tab to find a place to stay, so he stays at his grandma's place. He works as a videogame tester with his fellow nerdy peers that battle each other. The other master that is always being challenged is played by the hilarious Nick Swardson. I'm not a big video-game nut, let alone own a console and is really disconnected with video gamers at the age of 19. I'll play for a little while, but sometimes I find that its a waste of time and actually get bored. This movie actually got me into it, not into the games that aren't actually talk of the town in the movies, but the characters. As two-dimensional they may seem they felt like people I could hang out with...For real. Of course special(actually not special) cameos by Adam Sandler alumni like Rob Schneider(He's in there for a little bit) and David Spade(I still got love for him). It felt like all the comedic sidekicks in Adam Sandler films got there own movie. It was like the sheer guilty pleasure of an Adam Sandler without Adam Sandler. I think that Allen Covert can really hold a movie same with peter Dante.
The sort steers away from comedic cliches and is just a big set up for kind of original stoner humor. Their is romance between Allen Covert and the character played by Linda Cardinelli, but it doesn't tend to go to point of being predictable, where you watch and say "Oh, this is the part they hook up because of his dead brother" or something. The actor minor supporting cast is the fat boy from "40 Year-Old Virgin" who came into the eBay trying to buy sparkling boots. Or from the character J.P. who is supposedly the bad guy, but doesn't look like your bad guy type or prick, he's played by Joel(Dodgeball) Moore. Kevin Nealon had a funny role and a few one-liners. I had a blast, an escape from pg-13 comedy, which I have nothing against but it gets sad. As for the games, I have know clue the characters obsession with them, but its fun listening to them talk about it. Their as been a number of blog discussions on Rogerebert.com about "gaming vs. Art" and video games ever rising to the standard of art. I agree with Ebert that it never will, but the people who are involved in producing it are twice as interesting than the games they create! This Aliye Nyoka saying "DYNO-MITE!"

A Lot Better Than Cabin Fever!

There really is no need for me to describe these to you.















The Title of This Post Should Say it All!
A hell of whole lot better than "Cabin Fever". After that movie I've just hated him, or just hated the movie. After that I never thought he Eli Roth could redeem himself and I never looked forward to his future film making career...Then came his second feature, "Hostel", and I gotta tell you it was a lot better than "Cabin Fever" and I would be less cautious and actually look forward to his career and wonder what he might do next. I heard all the hype for this movie for a long time and I wasn't surprised Quentin Tarantino put his name on it, I think if he didn't the movie would sit on the shelf and might get pushed back release date. Either way it is here and with its hype like "Cabin Fever", its overrated. Not overrated in a bad way, but not the expectations it met, but who cares I enjoyed it even though horribly flawed at parts I felt that Roth's direction is getting better and probably has enough to make a stronger movie. The whole hype of the movie was the gore which was to be very realistic, gory and visceral. With its background in Slovakia or Eastern Europe it was noted as an "American Euro-Trash". Also with a cameo G-Unit Takashi Miike, Japan's Most visceral Horror Director and odd one. It really didn't meet the expectations of Takashi Miike, but how can you, I don't think no one can. but to tell you truth Takashi Miike cameo is not a waste and is enough to have you clapping in the theatres. It was something else.
But the movie is much more than, and leaves me with another reason to go to eastern Europe and Denmark. The story is basically simple, following two college kids played By Jay Hernandez and Derek Richardson exploring the wonders of Europe through decadence and drugs. Along with them is an Icelandic kid name Olli who is a random ass character, but is enough comedy to the mix. Not enough comedy as you can set up for bad things to happen. These characters felt like straight out of a Henry Miller book, where they just go around and just have sex and are broke. After a scene at the Amsterdam's Red Light district which is very entertaining, T&A is abound but the sex is somewhat poorly done or basically realistic. During their quick stay at the Red Light District, Derek Richardson's character Josh runaways from a topless girl. I felt that at that point the movie was to showcase that he is the one with the morale. The movie tends to play around with morale as Josh is considered the good character and Paxton(Jay Hernandez) as the adventurer that wants to get into trouble. But of course it doesn't matter if you're good or not you're still gonna get yours...proven excruciatingly from Josh.
The college kids go to a friends house and he tips them off of a hostel in Slovakia that pleases any American that comes by with open legs. He says that their all hot and are don't like European men. They hitch a train to this town and hostel and once they arrive all there fantasies come true. As their sexual beings they turn out to be actually femme fatales. I notice once Paxton realizes that the situation gets worse the ladies' appearance detoriate. They start as sexy starlets but when "it hits the fans" their true demons come out in their beauty and they start to look haggard. Roth has a good eye for shadows, it felt like Nicholas Roeg was directing at some parts.
As for the gore, their really are a few disgusting moments but it has no feeling. He was trying to be as visceral Takashi Miike, but I couldn't feel it. So their is always hope for the unrated NC-17 DVD, to show scenes that were taken out to get a R rating. The movie was reported to be an open homage to sick Japanese horror films Takashi Miike, Kiyoshi Kurosawa or Shinya Tsukamoto. There is no need for me to bring this up but I'm not dissing this movie to push another one. But a lot of people praise Takashi Miike and his format to take gore and visceral violence to new heights. Others just tend to copy it, but take it to another level like Miike does. Stuart(Re-Animator) Gordon praised him and took his love to another level, I think, with the sick and highly visceral gore,"King of the Ants". Not saying its a better movie but that's my example of the "get under the skin violence" Tarantino and Roth has been trying to push. Roth was explaining in an interview that he wanted to go for realism and not over-the-top and others would say that this is not "clap your hands" gore but "shaky violence" gore. I disagree, it feels like it in the middle. It had tone for it but the gore was off for some apparent reason. I've seen a lot sicker and depraved and sleazy, but for anyone that never had the same experience I had, go see this in theatres. Possibly hang out with a bunch of homies or definitely take your girlfriend to it and if she stays keep her. Because in the end the audience was clapping!
As the movie is presented by Quentin Tarantino, Eli Roth did a quick reference to "Pulp Fiction" while in the hostel the college kids watch it in another language. That is charming that a movie(Pulp Fiction) that has the ability to see other movie references in one movie is being referenced in this one. It is definitely a new generation of filmmakers from the influences of the 90's like Tarantino, Paul-Thomas Anderson, Steven Soderbergh, Kevin Smith, Wes Anderson and David Fincher. Even though that wasn't long ago, I feel "Hostel" could be at the fore front of those influences. Good Job and this time I'll look forward to the next film you'll make. This Aliye Nyoka saying "PEACE OUT NIGGA!"

Review of Masters of Horror 9: William Malone's "Fair-Haired Child"

Left:William Malone and the Fair-Haired Child.















William Malone is a lesser known horror director with 'Creature", an "Alien" knockoff starring the great Klaus Kinski. He also did 1999s' "House on Haunted Hill" and also 'Feardotcom". Rather not a good resume, I got to admit "Creature" was cool but the others I don't favor too much or at all. Either way it does not come into play with this film, which is has a fairy-tale quality and surreal horror. It also features the great Lori(Tank Girl) Petty, man I haven't seen that girl in awhile.
The film is basically about a typical outcast girl that looks actually hot, but is kidnapped from Connecticut to Vermont by an odd couple. Lori- Petty plays the mother and through black and white flashbacks it showcased character development of these two odd balls. Both of them are concert instrumentalists, the wife plays the cello while the husbands plays the pianist. Malone extends the classical to give a more sensible gothic horror that actually works but gets very tiring with montage flashback moments. So they kidnap this girl and throw her down the basement with there 13 year-old son who is supposedly the "Fair-hair Child", through three person flashback moments we get a understanding why he is sown there and the parents. We could acre less about the parents, but the outcast girl start to fall in love with the boy who later discovers that he turns into a monster every birthday to eat kid to stay alive. The kid died drowning and the mother and father decide to revive him back but they have to repay the evil forces with children's flesh. So exchange for their son's life they give him 13 kids, the girl being the last, and he can come back fully alive. He turns into the "Fair-haired child", which is pictured up above, and devours kids that the parents kidnap.
Malone seems to be style over substance even though their is a lot going in the story, but tmore focusing on the parents. The true odd ball relationship is the girl trapped in the basement with the son trying to survive, their something gothic and romanctic it that almost feels like a fairy-tale. Black and white montages get old but beautiful especially during the drowning sequence that plays a lot with shadow and light. When you watch that sequence it feels like he's quoting "Friday the 13th". The movie has a happy ending, to say the least...but an ending like "And they Lived Happily Everafter". Their is some impressive stuff in this that don''t have to do with story, because Malone seems more like a stylist, which is not bad because he has a good eye. You can tell by his last two films, were horrid scripts but had a cool style. I'm not saying the script is bad, it's just their could have been more. Overall I recommend this as a bedtime story for parents that let their kids watch scary movies late-night. It sounds like a horrible title, but opens the eyes for young generations to explore horror films. This is a great introduction. Good Job!
This Aliye Nyoka saying "PEACE OUT DAWG!"

Review of Masters of Horror 8: John Carpenter's "Cigarette Burns"

Left: Wingless Angel. Right: John Carpenter showing how it goes down.
















A Film Geeks Nightmare! Carpenter's uncovers of Twisted Film Loving.

John Carpenter is true master but has been hitting a slump after "Ghost of Mars", and while the remake of "The Fog" is out there and is sucking you might as well check this out. I was not a fan of "Ghosts of Mars" and think his last good film was "Vampires". Not his best but an exercise in his love of films outside horror that range from avant-garde, Dario Argento and the French New Wave. It stars Norman(Boondock Saints) Reedus a theatre owner and film geek that has a dark past tha catches up to him and his theatre. After taking an assignment from a rich guy played by cult and Lars Von Trier regular Udo Kier(Great Actor), who assigns him to capture a notorious film. The film is print is an avant-garde film that was screened once and cause an uproar its first screening. Not a typical "walk out of the theatre" uproar, but a relentless aura to make the audience go insane and kill. When I first heard that I was like Norman Reedus' character and everyone else... I GOTTA SEE THAT FILM! Just that alone makes me want to find that film on eBay or something. The film is "La Fonde Absolut Du Monde" and UdoKier believes that the print is still out there because the movie displays an angel getting slaughtered. Somehow Udo Kier's character has the angel chained up in his mansion and since he's alive the print exist. If the print was torn and burn the angel would not be standing...pretty freaky.
What can get more crazier than that, well during a screening of "Profondo Rosso"(Dario Argento's Deep Red), a pure homage to Dario Argento. Carpenter talks a lot about Dario Argento on and off the camera and his influence in this piece are eminent. Anyway during a screening of 'Deep Red", Norman Reedus' character Kirby is being followed by his dead-girlfriend's father, who loaned him money to open the theater heavily on drugs. With his girlfriend dead from an overdose and a the father he hasn't paid yet gives a lot of pressure on one's conscience. Kirby seems to have a lot of redeeming qualities and takes the job to find "La Fonde ABsolut Du MOnde" for the money and the film. Why the hell not!
Kirby meets with the only man who is still alive that witness the film, a critic that in movie states that he was not just a Pauline Kael follower. Once he meets him he finds out that he has a recorded interview with the director of "La Fonde Absolut Du Monde". Then the trip goes from America to Paris, France and if you look in the background of the film library there is a post printed with names of French New Wave directors. Ominous homage from John Carpenter thats kind of funny. The movie leads into Kirby having hallucinations with dreams that have cigarette burns like in a film. In the the cigarette burns are reflections in Kirby's past that regrets that are deep in his subconscious. Besides all that, through visceral violence and gore he finds the film and retrieves back to America for the Udo Kier's character. Then as it builds up a reputation for this film you realize why its dangerous. All hell breaks loose, literally. An endless but tiresome violent montage that can get freaky but really goes nowhere. Then again who cares, it won't prove a point but will display surreal horror.
Not bad, actually a lot better than "Ghosts of Mars" and different than Carpenter. It still shows that he hasn't completely lost his style, and probably due for a major silver screen comback. Until then the movie not also eschews "get under your skin" violence, but extenuating one man's love for films. It felt like cinephile's nightmare, but who cares I still watch "La FOnde Absolut Du Monde" and retrieve it. I got really into, so into it that I actually searched for the film on 'Imdb". Of course it's just a fake movie and doesn't exist and proves that I'm a big dork.

This Aliye Nyoka saying PEACE OUT!

Masters of Horror 7: John Landis' "Deer Woman"

Left:Huge Deer man in a Lumber Jack costume. Right: John Landis













Wow! I know John Landis is hit and miss but he is one funny dude. Once I saw the trailer to this I knew it might be back to a return like "American Werewolf in London", that movie is so painstakingly funny and gory scary at the same time. I was raised more one John Landis as an appearance and person or actor on screen. He was probably the first director I notice if he ever appear on the screen making a cameo. The reason why is because like everyone I raised on the Michael Jackson video,"Thriller". I still have the old tape my parents recorded of the music video followed by the making of it. And of course it had a young John Landis talking about the effects and his love for horror and all that stuff. As time went on I regular see John Landis being and interviewee for a lot of documentaries on film genres. He was a born movie nut, just like Joe Dante. I was raised more on him as a person talking about films than a filmmaker. Even though "Animal House" is the granddaddy and engrave in everyone's(well not everyone) memory. I still think that "Trading Places" is sheer genius and by all means perfect. Same goes for "Coming to America", god that movie never gets old. I also remember his bit for "Amazon Women on the Moon" that featured Russ Meyer. Then after that he just went downhill, his last good film was "Innocent Blood". I still haven't seen his documentary "Slasher", I hears its funny. But until then I just saw his latest opus for "The Masters of Horror".
The story is plain and simple, some old mythic Native-American tale of a half-woman half-deer is going around having sex with men and then stomping on them. With a concept like that it sets John Landis(co-written by his son Max) to execute sight gags, gore and T&A. Their is also another mixture of genre in this besides horror and comedy, but a mix of a sub-genre in comedy. The "cop buddy" movie, Landis' has establish a "buddy movie" in "Trading Places" but he definitely displays it in here. The relationship between the white cop played by Brian Benben and the black cop played by Anthony Griffith. It mirrors 'Trading Places","Lethal Weapon" or "Hickey & Boggs". Of course the writing team of son and father eschews out quick witted humor and very funny one-liners courteously coined by Brian Benben. Plus the woman who plays the Deer Woman is hot, Landis has good eye!
Their is voice-over narration by the lead Brian Benben that echoes another genre in the mix of noir films. He is basically a down on your luck cop looking for a break and with a haunted past. That somehow through this investigation it comes out. I also like the three imaginations conjured up by the detective to figure out a Deer tracks ended up on a mans' genitals. Those are the sight gags that are just hilarious and very over-the-top but held with some realism in the end. Either way Landis knew what he was and sometimes I'm always excited to see anything starring, produced or even directed by John Landis. We all love you DAWG!
This is ALiye Nyoka saying "See you later Masturbater!"